look at my other blog for my new yesstyle items :D

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realised i haven't uploaded pictures onto my blog for awhile. so going backwards, they are from john mayer, winter break, brussels with angie baby & when kal popped by again (:


kal & i selfridges having tea (:


happy angie baby with waffles :D


very happy wj with waffles


snorts


brussels


i love winter trees


angieeeee (: i miss you darling


the xmas market :D


ferris wheel


HAHA :p at the european commission. EU LAW STUDENT :D


having a yummy seafood breakfast standing in e cold




walking on snowflakes


FRITES :D




cupcakes delivery: toffee and green tea cupcakes. pretty?


anwarrr


i got a new camera btw :p its a canon powershot. e most compact one. and the best thing is this nostalgic function. as shown above :D which i adore to bits. hahaha. weffy & cass! i miss youuuu.


also in nostalgic function. ah mah (:


new year's eve


mummy


2 su su. gosh i realise how alike we look 0_o


family of pointy-hats. teehee. ming remember this?


lights from my balcony


pj & jasmine (:


jie


mummy & i at lunch at ember


teehee. i really like this photo. in chinatown.


yet & i at clarke quay (god i felt like such a tourist -.- yet made me take them)


heh, my manicure (((:


e morning we woke up to a snow-covered london.


chor ming & i at john mayer.


hello john mayer (:

i want to live life to the fullest as a 21 year old. not as someone who wants to be more mature, or tries to hold on to the past. i'm technically an adult, and yet i don't feel like one. hahaha. i want to do things that i can only do now and here in london.

its so important to enjoy every moment really. to enjoy being a student, to appreciate my uni friends, to enjoy living in london at this age, carefree and crazy. what's e point in constantly trying to decide on what to do after graduation when there are so many things to do and enjoy now. i'm not the kind of girl who can spend my three years just seeking that job. good for those who can. i'm sure they're alot more certain about their future than i am. but i don't see anything wrong with uncertainty at this point in life really, because all too soon we'll fall into this routine where we slowly get buckled down by our various burdens and obligations. now we're obligation-less and carefree, so why not fly as high and as far you can right (:

whatever happens come march, i'm determined to spend post-graduation enjoying being a graduate. hahaha. whether its doing a masters or traveling. lalalaa

university's more than a stepping stone to get to where you want to be in life. and if you can't see that, (i know a few who definitely can't), then all i feel is pity for you really. shrugs.

oh oh ohhh :D I AM BEYOND PLEASED!!!

my yesasia and yesstyle deliveries arrived today :D so now i'm enjoying my new ft islandh, ft triple and cn blue albums, as well as the you're beautiful ost (which has hongki) TEEHEEHEE :D plus plus, all of my orders from yesstyle fit well and they're beyond adorable larh. i've got a white snowflake sweater, oversized green panda sweater dress and a nordic fleece coat :D I LOVEEEE! teehee. i got new clothes for cny :D plus they're all so warm and snuggly. happiness :DDDDDDD

i'm rather unhappy about giving up korean for now, but i have no bloody time, energy and brain space to deal with the crazy korean alphabet -.- i think with enough korean variety shows i'll be able to manage basic korean, but i just don't have e time to learn to read korean now. japanese alone is alr taking up quite abit cos my teacher's going at breakneck speed and throwing 20 new verbs at us every week. and what to call your sister, brother, uncle, aunt, grandfather, grandmother, cousin, great-grandmother etc (you get the picture). i want to bang my head on my table and let my skull crack open alr -.-

and there's telders. and now conflicts moot. and essays coming up. and notes and readings to do. and oh god exams start 17th may. WTH. last year it started on e 25th or something larh. arghs. i'm getting stressed out -.-

and despite all this, because of the time of the year, my thoughts have occasionally been flitting back to certain memories. and till now, it makes me really sad to see how it all turned out. a misunderstanding that i never really got to sort out. and that's why we are the way we are now. but perhaps it doesn't matter to you. or me either. shrugs. i've erased what happened after and just keep the simple happy times. but i suppose it would be one of e most special memories of my life. haha. thank you (:

i credit so many stupid things i did to youth :p hahaha. but at the same time, isn't there joy in foolishness? to still be idealistic and trusting. to not be cynical and jaded. hahaha. call me a foolish kid. but i still want to be idealistic, trusting and give myself wholeheartedly to things i believe in. not all things, but some important ones. i don't think i'd be true to myself if i didn't do that.

you'll probably never know how much you changed me or affected me. you made me realise what kind of person i wanted to be, or rather, more specifically, the type of person i never want to be. for that, thank you.

back to hart -.-

there is a fucking shameless, sauce-consuming, truffle-oil-stealing, dirty rat somewhere in london

I HATE YOU

while i adamantly refuse to ever be part of e sporean govt, which kinda quashes my foreign affairs hopes, and do see certain areas in which i think e spore govt is lacking in, like their unwillingness to approach the topic of human rights and their pacifist stance in the international scene. i genuinely don't agree with criticisms on e fact tt spore is one-party state. i mean if you want to pick on the faults of spore govt in their actions and policies - fine by me. i have my criticisms on that too. but when people believe that spore govt is flawed simply because its a one-party govt. then i think its too superficial a view to take and a slightly skewed view. just because we are an asian country and we are a one-party state, that does not mean we are just like china and communists okay -.- sighs. sometimes when i defend spore when these kinda arguments come up, i wonder when did i get so patriotic -rolls eyes-

snorts. this wasn't the drama i was thinking of when i was complaining yesterday to charms & fabian that my life was boring -.-

urghs. -bangs head on table- i have like three moots within e span of 5 days end of feb. one for conflicts class (well two if i get into e finals) and two more for telders after tt. die.

i have an uncanny ability to remember some things and forget some other things. i can wipe clean my entire periods of unhappiness from my mind really. which is why the first half of 2008 is rather erh empty. HAHA.

i was so tired yesterday i slept from like 3pm till erh this morning 6am -.- and missed jap class ):

mel's postcards came yesterday ((((: had me sitting on e floor in tears really. i miss that girl so much ): distance sucks.

i think people who abuse their maids are disgusting disgusting shameless people.

oh i am so pleased (:

i didn't delete my birthday photos from my camera. and i managed to recopy my entire itunes library from my ipod back into my main laptop. thank goodness :p

if you haven't heard, my entire laptop got wiped clean -.- cos my dad's IT person reinstalled my os. urghs. at least now i'm running on windows 7 and not vista :p

보내주기
나는 당신이 가게 해야 한다

my new eyecandy :D hahaha. yonghwa is adorableee (: plus they all play instruments. and yonghwa sings (he's e lead singer) sexy sexy. i've been fighting over yonghwa (who's shinwoo in you're beautiful) with 3 girls on facebook -.-

oh this is so cheesy. but for the first time i feel that you finally see me for who i am. and not what you expect me to be. you see the real person standing before you, and no longer this unrealistic image built upon your expectations. i'm not you, and there are somethings that either i don't want to do, or can't do. and while i'm not fond of admitting defeat so easily, i'm really appreciative of you finally taking my thoughts and feelings into consideration.

its been a long time coming. but at least it came no?

we're going on a skiing trip in march to celebrate kaylene's 21st birthday :D AWESOMEEEE! i'm super excited. hahaha, i want to learn snowboarding :DDD then i can go japan or korea and snowboard soon. teehee :D my uncle said he'll bring me. whoopee. exciting!

thinking of heading up to copenhagen to visit jerrine for reading week. or visit angie. think i can only spare 2 days cos nationals for telders is e week after :p stressed out! and i'll prob have essays due too. doinks.

sighs i really need to study -.-

i think i've finally figured out why asian songs (mandarin, cantonese, korean & japanese) always sound so much more emo than western songs. asian singers tend to be alot more emotive with their singing and focus more on producing the corresponding feeling when singing. while it seems more often than not that western singers focus on singing techniques. shrugs. i'm not a big fan of big voices like celine, whitney and mariah. maybe that's why i prefer indie music. but oh japanese and korean ballads, can take my heart away anyday :D

eating doesn't help lorh cui. i sad, then i eat, then i get fat, then i get even more depressed -.- and so the vicious cycle just keeps going round and round until i die a suicidal depressed obese person. whoopee.

i think my sleeping cycle is officially in the worst state ever. nowadays i have no clue what day it is when i wake up. snorts.

i've slept a good 34 hours out of the last 48 hours. felt like shite yesterday. gahh. i'm so out of it. and i'm terribly sian about the fact that i might have lost the notes that i did last term that i didn't print. ROARS. i won't know till monday. oh but the possibility of it is just getting me incredibly grumpy. sighs.

i think it was raining today. i vaguely rmb hearing rain. snorts. i just woke up an hour ago btw (its 11pm now). hahaha. and i'm one hell of a grumpy bitch. bah.

so on a cranky grumpy day, i chanced upon this video again and it made this hour at least a whole lot better :p



what's not to love really :p ft island (and hongki's voice) in the background, joo ji hoon, cute gay boys and cakes. HAHAHA. <3

which is worse? having something you're holding on to that is not yours and might never be yours, or nothing to hold on to at all.

sighs. we always lust after what we can't have eh.

i think this combination of stress, over-thinking and drama watching is making me go waaayyyy overboard with my online shopping. this is very bad. i have clothes being shipped from korea, japan and hongkong at this very moment -.- and i've got more in my basket. BAD BAD BAD.

i don't like this feeling of emptiness. i'm so restless i can't seem to concentrate on anything. ARGH. and its not helping that the things i'm supposed to be concentrating on are austin, bentham, hart and share capital -.- i am not a happy trooper.

can i just head over to korea now please -.-

sians

i don't want to choose an option or make that option available to me just because i can have it or its for the taking. i want to take an option that i genuinely want.

and the next option i want is new york. simply because i just want to do international law.

and if i don't get that, i don't want to flounder around here doing things that i'm a) not interested in b)don't care for c) has nothing to do with where i want to be in the future.

i have great distaste for ppl who seem to see the option of going back home or singapore to work as a lousier option, or a backup. and speak of those who have gone back to singapore to work with a sneer. fuck you larh. seriously. there's nothing wrong with working in singapore. i like my comforts, i like my culture, i like the fact that we're in asia, and i'm near japan and korea, and i have my family and friends back home who are important to me. and i like my lifestyle, though there's alot to be said about society. i hate it when people say that, oh cos so-and-so couldn't get a job in london, so she HAD to go back to spore. growls. it might be true for some, but that doesn't make that person any less than someone working here or in nyc okay.

sighs. as much as i am an international creature, love the world and traveling and believe i can survive anywhere around the world. i think at the end of june or july next year, wherever i am. its time to go home. i don't know why, its just my gut feeling partly. shrugs. and then give me another 5 and 6 years and i'll probably head out again. japan, hongkong, nyc or london are all places i can really see myself living in really. shrugs.

sighs, too many decisions that are out of my control really. i hate this feeling of being on a boat stranded out at sea and waiting for a wave to come push me in a certain direction.

young love is always the sweetest, no? its simple, endearing and fun. i prefer the simple, easy days of yesterday.

mms. for a short moment each night my heart is full. and for now, its okay. i'm good. my life is overflowing as it is already. i don't really know with what, but i have people to think about that makes my soul warm, i have things to do everyday, i have things and people that make me laugh, i have my quiet happy hours everyday, and i close my eyes each night feeling among alot of other things, happy and satisfied with my life. and i think that's the most important part of all.

things that are meant to be, will be eventually.

john mayer tonight was awesome (: i wanted to cry when he sang gravity. sighs.

someday i'll fly, someday i'll soar.

i always remember what mel said. so until you can become that, i took a deep breath last night and let it go. i shut that door. as tightly as i possibly can. and till you yourself open that door again one day, i'm not going to open it again. i'll try at least.

its an odd vacant feeling.

as much as i adore shinwoo, he's younger than me -.- which is slightly disturbing. so i shall stick to taekyung oppa or geun seok oppa.

i wish i was back in spore for the ft island concert ): grumbles.

i think i'm frightening chor ming with my slightly schizophrenic korean and japanese mood swings. snorts. i read an article today in the evening standard of how adults these days are regressing back to their childhood. oh hell yeah, i think i'm back to my 13, 14 year old self. ah to be young (: HAHA.

its fucking 3 plus in the morning and i have no idea why i'm having these random thoughts but i am.

1) just because you have a fucking british passport, doesn't make you british you idiot. SHAVE DAMNIT.
2) i like quiet boys. boys who will sit back and watch. opposites attract right :p
3) i really really like korean boys. and i realise, that somehow the real japanese boys in reality, do not match up to the wonderfulness of my anime boys. so i shall just stick with jap anime boys. but korean boys. ooh they sweep my heart away :D shinwoo oppa! (i can't even call e actor oppa cos he's younger than me -.- e sadness of life)
4) i am asian to the core -.- seriously. and i'm proud of it. i don't say chinese, i say asian. hahaha.
5) i hate whiners. just suck it up and deal with it okay. god i think where you grow up makes a hell lot of difference.
6) i hate irresponsible people. you idiots can go drinking every night, travel over 10plus tube stops just to get to a 'nice' pub. and you can't finish your memorial on time, or even do your essay. you two are idiots. grow fat okay, grow fat with a beer belly, and die before you can even be a fucking lawyer -.-
7) i want to marry into another culture. preferably one with alot of traditions :p hahahaha. ie. japanese or korean. teehee. so fun. i can have super multilingual kids :D awesome.

i have alot of anger and irritation -.- ROARS!

thank god for john mayer tmr night :D oyasuminasai!

if i don't get my masters in US, i'm going to go live in korea or japan for a year -.- decided (y)

just that i have to actually get to korea/japan alive -.- and not dead. mms, i'll go work in a manga shop in japan :p or in shibuya. TEEHEEEHEEE :D

for now, i think i can effectively shut that door. though we'll see how long that lasts :p hahaha.

life is odd without the downs. you kinda bob along this rather stagnant, above average but not high level. i kinda miss the drama and ups and downs. mms.

snow, snowboarding and french alps vs cold, wet, boring hague (which i might have to go to again if i get into the finals). gee what a difficult choice

grumbles.angela and kaylene are going to nyc for reading week ): I AM JEALOUS! i want to go back to nyc for bergdorf, shake shack, OMG KOREAN FRIED CHICKEN!!! and so much more ): pouts

fuck. i hate teamwork. seriously. irresponsibility is the bane of my existence. ROARS.

so many problems suddenly with my memorial. and so many potential loopholes. urghs, i am not like this at all. so many things to rush before monday. eeks.

it snowed so much today (((: the parks were all white. so pretty!

god its freezing colddd back in london 0_o grumbles. my nose is permanently runny because of e cold.

sighs, i'm so depressed over the fact that my entire hard-drive on my dell laptop got wiped out by my dad's IT person -.- and while they can retrieve it now, they're in binary numbers and have no names -.- so i got to go through a million of files and erh well sort what the fuck they are out. ARGHHHHH! this is so not happening. esp not this week. where i have a mock exam on conflicts on weds, jap hw that i've not done on weds,, econs assignment due on monday and my memorial for telders due on monday too. WAILS. die.

and leslie comes tell me he's much freer this term and tells me to tell him if i'm going for weekend trips -.-

life is about appreciating things. the happy, the sad, the good, the bad. people, things, experiences, tastes and memories.

i don't understand those that can just turn around and walk away. i wouldn't be where i am without my past. so to just turn and walk away, i can't do it.

happy new year (:

mms, the decade of my teenage years is over ):

and so many things have gone by that i still miss dearly and think about fondly all the time.. rgs, tramp, rj dance, 408, buffy, angel, uniforms and breaking rules are some. sighs. they were fantastic times really. and with the start of a new decade comes graduation. god it feels like i barely started university, and i'm going to graduate. fuck. i need a drinking session with joyce to moan and groan about this properly -.- roars.